My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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