I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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