i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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