I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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