His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
