dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
