Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
