So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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