To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no