Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
