I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
