Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just come out here and I will go home with you...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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