yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Welp...herpes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Drake has all the answers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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