we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize