I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
