I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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