My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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