Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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