I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
