so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
