this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
