After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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