I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Less talking, more tequila
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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