Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss