the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus