i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.