i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize