I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I need a beard to bite.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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