I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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