I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
