I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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