Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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