there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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