if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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