do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
