that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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