I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
