just survived the first fart of the relationship.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
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woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
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Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.