Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO