Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.