the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Acid is not a monday night drug
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.