Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"