It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
