i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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