I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
