and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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