He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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