Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she told me i tasted like america
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
