he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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