Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
