So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
