I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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