i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
