definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
