ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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