Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize